She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize