i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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