oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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