Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
