new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
