I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
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