my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
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woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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