Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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