I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
