do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
