Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize