fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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