Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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