I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
