a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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