I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
