we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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