I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
