i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
