yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
