So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
