im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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