I cut my penus on the lid.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
