Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
