I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
