Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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