Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Acid is not a monday night drug
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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