I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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