R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
