I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
