Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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