Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
