There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
