I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
