I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
