listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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