i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
