This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
