the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
