Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
