Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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