I just saw a hot homeless man
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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