I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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