I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
