I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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