Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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