I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
