kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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