six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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