Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize