her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
