hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
