I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
