I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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