roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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