my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
