i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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