Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
