i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
