He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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