i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
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Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
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Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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