i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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