And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Randomize
