my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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