I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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