Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
