dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
