there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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