but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
