you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
