I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
