Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
