Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize