I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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