Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
