DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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