Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
