I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Randomize
